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Monday, May 28th, 2012
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12:14 pm
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 when are you going to grow up and stop doing this? really? after all these years? you're still going to pull this shit? god damn it. have it your way, then. i've given you so many chances. you just used up the very last one. i'm walking. that's final.
current mood:  angry
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| Tuesday, May 22nd, 2012
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4:47 pm
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current mood:  bored
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| Friday, May 11th, 2012
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12:55 pm
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ughhhh drunk driving accident i'm dumb
current mood: ashamed
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| Friday, April 27th, 2012
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12:09 pm
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last night/this morning... wow. damn.
current mood:  happy
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| Tuesday, April 24th, 2012
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10:06 pm
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plans i have so far for this summer: poland/denmark summer class editing a young adult novel sailing lessons volunteering at the conservatory seeing flatfoot 56 roadtrip to michigan going to wisconsin a lot building bikes and birdhouses rereading all my favorite books continue to work on getting published start a KISS-tribute band with ben possibly synchronized swimming again possibly a bi-monthly cleaning gig possibly going to LA again possibly collaborating with patty |
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| Sunday, April 15th, 2012
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11:10 pm
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today my last orchid flower fell off its plant. it's funny because today, my strength and my smile fell, too. i don't know what caused it to happen, but it did, and tonight, i can barely hold myself together. |
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| Saturday, April 14th, 2012
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10:38 am
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whisky scotch whisky i need my scotch whisky i'll drink my scotch whisky until the day i die |
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| Monday, April 9th, 2012
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6:30 pm
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I'm done dealing with bullshit. If you wanna be in my life, be honest. Be real. Say what you feel. Always say what's on your mind. When you need me, find me; don't expect me to chase you. Don't expect a single thing from me. Trust that what I'm giving you is my all. And when you start giving me your all, too, I'll trust you. |
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| Sunday, April 8th, 2012
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6:35 pm
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it was easy with you. it's not easy now. i miss the instant perfection. |
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| Saturday, April 7th, 2012
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10:04 am
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i'm doing that thing again, where i focus too much on other people and not enough on myself. time for an alone-time overdose.
current mood: sad
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| Tuesday, April 3rd, 2012
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4:27 pm
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i feel afraid today. i don't know what it is. i've been feeling a little weird lately overall, i think it may have to do with the fact that over spring break, i did not take any antidepressants at all, just to see if i can get along without them... but then i started retaking them in smaller doses but i think i just need to up it again. i keep getting super sad during the day for no reason. my mind keeps wandering, into territories it hasn't visited in a very long time. it makes me feel like my carefree day-at-a-time attitude is slipping away, and i keep repeating all these little mantras in my head. i think i need to start writing notes-to-self again, because those helped tremendously during my toughest months. pull it together, woman.
current mood:  contemplative
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| Friday, March 30th, 2012
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9:02 pm
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LA was really great. i would write about it in detail, but it's just so much. i'd rather just talk to people about it and share my shenanigans verbally. so whoever wants to listen, let me know. but yeah. coming back after being there i feel renewed. i feel unafraid of everything, and i'm not even *ugh* about going back to school. i feel inspired and... different. i don't know. i feel changed. i spent every day there outside my comfort zone and being somebody else. ultimately, it just unlocked new sides of me. i met some really amazing people and i can't wait to return in august. today i have to get all my spring break homework done... i don't have time tomorrow or sunday. tomorrow i'm going to dinner, bars and a burlesque show with alicia, and sunday i'm getting a new tattoo and seeing kevin AND maybe seeing the lorax with my sister, mariam, brett and grant. i got some news on facebook today that literally just stunned me. i was so blank and i don't think i moved a muscle except for texting for like, a good half hour. many people think i'm saddened or hurt by this news, or that it made me hate life, but really guys, i'm fine! i'm just very surprised. it's so random and just hit me out of nowhere. but, i mean, it's not like i really had any hope in regards to this for the future... i had moved on. my life was taking a different road. a fork far from his. life is just really hilarious, that's all. it's like when you're a toddler and you're given vegetables and you think they're gross so you don't want to eat them even though they're super good for you. later you realize you like them and it's good you ate them. that's what life does. it puts something shitty in your face, but it's actually what your life needs whether you realize it or not. in the future, you understand. i have no regrets and i'm thankful for the way everything has turned out and is continuing to go. i've never been this happy. promise. :)
current mood:  busy
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| Saturday, March 17th, 2012
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11:56 am
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so stoked for today. spending the night at jake's so we can go to all the bars along clark and get oh so trashed and smashed. i think graham and kerry will be there, too. i wonder if i'll actually be able to wake up at 8 am the next morning, haha...
current mood: excited
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| Saturday, March 10th, 2012
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8:11 pm
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all this time, i've been eating fruits like meat. I'VE BEEN DOING IT WRONG |
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| Friday, March 9th, 2012
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10:59 am
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no one will ever worship me the way you did. i thought it was a big loss, but i think i'm actually okay with it.
current mood: calm
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| Wednesday, March 7th, 2012
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11:55 pm
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i want to give you my heart. you may even already have it. bits of it. most of it. it's like the others don't even matter anymore. that's how real this is. but i'm not going to rush things. i won't pull back. i won't hold back. but i'm going to keep my heart right in here just a little bit longer. please be patient.
current mood:  smitten
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| Monday, March 5th, 2012
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10:14 pm
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the train hit me, it knocked me out flying. that overwhelming sense of something coming. something you get so caught up in, you forget who you are. or you think you forget who you are... you don't even know anymore. i'm not ready. will i ever be ready? just rolling with the punches. |
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| Saturday, March 3rd, 2012
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12:52 am
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things are getting intense. feelings are growing. not only mine... but theirs', especially. |
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| Tuesday, February 28th, 2012
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10:13 pm
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why is it that when i want to sit and think, i have 8 hours of homework to do but when i have nothing but free time i'm looking for something to do other than think |
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3:34 pm
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" just lay down. i'll hold out just as long as you. i can't take this. heat stroke. our burning bodies melt away. i've been waiting. i've been craving away. tonight is the night we sink wishes deep into our skin. don't hold back. hold nothing back tonight. just let it take control. are you nervous? stop. " |
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littlefoxpaws's journal